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July 3, 2011
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Dear sweet love, whisper my name in the dead of night,
Entwine your fingers with mine and squeeze them tight.
Cuddle me close until the early morning sun rises above,
Only then shall we untangle from these sheets of silk dove.
Oh, Dear sweet love, never leave this home of ours,
In fear that what we have may grow awfully sour.
'Cause only for you will I always remain,
Without you my life would be nothing but a feign.
A lie to those who dare look within this shell of mine,
So stay with me, lay in our bed so this light shall continue to shine.
Dear sweet love, I only need you in my life,
Forever hold my hand and call me your wife.

I started to write this piece but stopped half way through, then I noticed :iconlive-love-write:'s weekly prompt ' Only for you' and it gave me that final inspiration to finish this piece.
As you can tell, I tried to rhyme in this piece, epic failure there, but I kinda like it also. :D


Critiques/comments are always encouraged. :)


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:iconrollingtomorrow:
Thank you for participating in our prompt at #Live-Love-Write! :la:

This was a very beautiful poem! The first thing that struck me as soon as I started reading was the rhyme scheme. You did a really impressive job with it. You used a diversity of words and made some very creative rhymes here! The flow of the piece was quite impressive. It can be difficult to keep with imaginative rhyme schemes, but you always do a good job of it!

The mood in this piece was well conveyed, too. There were a lot of tender feelings expressed in this piece, especially toward the end. Good work! :la:


=TheFinalHikari
Founder of #Writers--club, #LandoftheSky, and #Live-Love-Write
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconthunderfir-poketeam:
This is beautiful! It really touched me:) its a beautiful representation of what love really is and what its all about. Beautiful! i also like the use of rhyming in this poem, but maybe next time use a little less? But overall i love it! i can't really find anything else to critique here, i love it! :) yep, really beautiful poem you've shared with us here. Yep, yep yep yep. (sorry about all the yeps XD i tend to rant sometimes..yeah...well, that's all i got, sorry if its a little sloppy, this is my first critique. thunderfir-poketeam signing off! Bye!
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconjohhy55:
Johhy55 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011
So good!
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:iconchristianonfire7:
Christianonfire7 Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. :)
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:iconfiction-works:
Fiction-Works Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh.

Yeah, rhyming is such a pain sometimes. I can see where it was pushed between lines 5 and 6 and also 9 and 10.

Despite that, the poem kind of left me wanting more. It starts great and ends way to soon.
Reply
:iconchristianonfire7:
Christianonfire7 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, it wasn't meant to be a long, just a teaser in a way. ^^
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:iconfiction-works:
Fiction-Works Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Alas, very well.
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:iconkramnhojpapermario:
Kramnhojpapermario Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
the rhyming's not bad at all, and the piece altogether is quite good. It reminds me of my yearnings for a wife rather then the carnal lust of a couple.
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:iconchristianonfire7:
Christianonfire7 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. :)
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:icondrawsforlife:
drawsforlife Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
wow! i love alot sooooo good!
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:iconchristianonfire7:
Christianonfire7 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks. :)
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